(Well, you've all waited long enough and finally had an evening free to write. I've decided to come from the "questioning" angle on this because offense is usually incurred when you start making claims about how things ought to be. So instead, I'll ask why the current system works the way it does and how we expect to deal with the problems caused by it.)

Update 2: After a lot of discussion I came to agreement with the idea that if someone's well being is at stake, concerns about communication and definition are completely secondary to that. So in the end, if you're faced with situations where communicating clearly or applying the definition is going to hurt you, then don't do so. In no way should linguistics come above the lives of people

Update - Fun times. I guess I wasn't clear enough in how I put this across (which sucks because I spent days agonizing over how to put it.) To make it unnecessary to wade through the sea of comments generated by a simple misunderstanding I'm going to put up a point of clarification right here at the top.

I am not in any way or form saying that male or female should retain their same definitions. Just because I dislike the self referential definition doesn't mean that the current state of affairs is perfect, great or even acceptable. What would be a good solution that takes identity into account is a redefining like this:

Female: one who either possesses (and is content with) or wishes to attain (for whatever reason) or self conceptualizes more closely with the bodily structure commonly created by the XX triggered developmental path.

And there you go. A simple and easy way to create a definition of the word that is not self referential and doesn't nonsensically destroy its own capacity to communicate any meaning. While still protecting us from cissexist abuses of the biological classification system from which female and male originally came. I hope this makes it abundantly clear that I'm not a linguistic purist trying to enforce the current definitions of male and female as perfect while also making it clear that self referential definitions are not necessary to safeguard ourselves.


I think we're all pretty aware of the nastiness of identity politics and elitist hierarchies built into the sub communities of GLBT. Especially how they're used to elevate some and detriment others in an attempt to break associations that some might consider damning to them (when in reality the hate is going to spill on us all, whether we look "normal" or not). And of course, identity crises are pretty awful in and of themselves. Even when not induced by attacks by a bunch of community shredding jackals, they can still shatter self image and leave a person feeling completely lost. There are also situations wherein one using a given label, despite its base conceptual accuracy, is woefully impractical. A good example would be an individual who is well aware of their bisexuality but is attracted to so few women (and so rarely) that mentioning that bisexuality is at best irrelevant and at worst seriously misleading to interested women.

All three of these things are really good reasons to put some protections into place for people's identities and to allow some leeway in self description. Support groups (good ones anyways) tend to frown very fiercely on questioning someone's identity, pronouns, self image and etcetera. Outsiders are usually regarded as a bad judge of what someone's identity is and the common wisdom that a person knows oneself best is usually expected to be followed. None of these things are a problem. It is certainly positive to prevent the identity attack infighting that is so very endemic in the trans community (but is also a problem in the gay, lesbian and bi community as well, most noteably directed very nastily at bisexual folk). It is also benign and ultimately positive to allow simplification of the social interactions that depend on labels, because I know that (were I in the situation mentioned above) I wouldn't want people I'm not attracted to trying to get in my pants just because I'm attracted to one or maybe two members of that particular sex.

This all being said, I have to say I'm a bit confused by what seems like serious overcompensation in response to these problems.

You see, all of the responses above are perfectly reasonable. They still account for objective reality, they just prevent infighting, personal attacks and social complication. None of them outright contradict reality or counsel one that it is fine for them to do so. They might let a few people through who don't have a firm grasp of reality, but that's ultimately not a serious problem for an individual in the GLBT community. It isn't like in the pagan community where misusing words and allowing identity to contradict reality actually decontextualizes and delegitimizes cultures and tends to come from entitlement and ethnocentrism.

But when the self image a person has contradicts reality, that still is a problem. At the very least for them.

So we hit the actual issue. There is a trend in the GLBT community wherein individuals may take on any term describing themselves, even if they do not even remotely resemble the objective definition of said label. This is... troubling. For one, it makes communication unbelievably confusing and it also creates a level of social complication out of that confusion that kills any simplification excuse immediately. You aren't simplifying things if you're a single bisexual individual but you call yourself heterosexual and then get upset when lesbians don't show interest in you.

The basis behind this is what bothers me the most. I get the impression (and have been outright told by some people) that the terms lesbian, bisexual, gay, homosexual, heterosexual, straight, woman, man, male, and female quite simply all mean "one who identifies as x" wherein x is the term that we are defining. Example: bisexual is one who identifies as bisexual. Not everyone uses this basis, this is just the most common one I confront.

Why is this troubling? After all, this does mean no one can question another person's identity anymore. There's no identity crisis because if you feel like you aren't a lesbian then you aren't. If you feel like you are, then you are. Sure it makes things complex socially, but since when has social life ever been simple?

Well the reason is because the definition "one who identifies as x" (wherein x is the term being defined) is a self referential definition that yields absolutely no more information than every single other one of the words. The whole reason why I can summate the preferred definitions of those words into just one line with a variable for the term is because the definition is virtually the same among each of the words.

Now, if the only thing you feel like communicating to someone is that you personally feel like you are "term x" and absolutely nothing else, this works just fine for you. But if you actually feel like communicating your sexual attractions to someone, or whom you are more likely to date, or your body structure, or the social group you are a part of or really any other information than your own self image, then you've just utterly destroyed the usefulness of those words. And the worst part is, you've already expressed that you think you are term x if you apply term x to yourself. The definition is utterly redundant. If you say, "I am term x" then we already know that you see yourself as x. We don't need the word to mean, "one who thinks one is term x".

When I tell someone I'm a lesbian, I'm telling them that I am interested in female folk. There's a certain amount of leeway as lesbian can be stretched between principally dating a given group (women or female folk) and just being attracted to that same given group. The split between woman and female also arises from the complication that trans folk throw into the mix. I'm not trying to tell people that I think I'm a lesbian. I've already expressed this just by the context of the self application of that word. So it just strikes me as sort of... well... silly.

Of course, trans folk have trouble with this too. I can get pre op, pre hormones folk using the words woman or man because those words stretch to fit the sociological groups too. It works just fine. But when we start using the term female (or male) for ourselves when our bodies are still physically our birth sex, that's when things start failing to meet with reality. This is especially a bad idea for trans folk (at least those who require physical transition) because we need to be able to articulate to our health providers and doctors that we require a physical transition. If I were to call myself female before hormones and surgery, how am I supposed to tell the doctor that I need a female body?

Me: "Sorry doc, I'm already female but I need boobs and a vagina."

Doc: "Wait... what? o_O"

I get that the terminology is especially painful for us trans folk. I have dysphoria triggers from the word male simply because it is a firm reminder of the genitals I have. But you don't have to use painful terms either. There is nothing saying we have to apply labels in a social setting. You don't have to say that you're male or female or think about it at all. The situation certainly doesn't require something so drastic as to strip virtually all meaning from the words male/female. (Note that this applies to nonbinary as well, but usually with the medical condition word; intersexed.)

It has honestly reached the point where I've literally had to avoid the terminology in certain situations just to avoid the debates that come from GLBT folk on just my word choice. Instead of discussing my sexuality as lesbian, I've had to talk instead in terms of being a male to female transsexual who is physically attracted to the female form because I've had people who thought lesbian meant one who identifies as a lesbian and told me I automatically was one, even if I was into guys. (There's someone here who might think this is directed at her, but really hun, you were very respectful and reasonable when you brought it up. You even asked permission first, so please don't think this particular example is directed at you. I've had these conversations with a lot of people and you were the absolute best about your view.)

I don't know about anyone else, but I see it as a problem when a word loses its meaning almost completely. I also don't see the point of using labels if all their meaning is already expressed by you applying the word to yourself in conversation. That's my view on it.

I wouldn't mind alternate explanations, clarifications and corrections if I have the wrong impression about this. It's very possible I've misunderstood the justifications or even misunderstood the attitudes on identity labels. I will mind getting a shitstorm of asinine screaming at me for "attacking identities" though. Let's be mature people. That's pretty much all I'm asking here.

As I work on writing the blog post regarding identity labeling (and I assure you, I'm putting all my efforts into avoiding making this offensive or confrontational, because I know a lot of people get offended or feel attacked when discussing how identity labels are applied) I do think there are some updates I should share on various situations.

1: My dad is still giving me the silent treatment but I'm recovering, slowly and carefully, from the effects. Time heals, bit by bit, so I'm reaching a point now where it doesn't hurt me as much as it did.

2: I have a job! I can't tell you about it here. Primarily because I'm keeping my transsexuality on the downlow there (cautious by nature, I am and the HR department really worked hard to accommodate my needs and avoid things like my still male name on my security ID. Much love <3). But also because the thing (it's a game) I'm working on is kind of a big deal and may get a lot of publicity. So we're keeping it quiet right now as leaking info too early hurts a release date.

3: Name change paperwork is obtained. Right now a friend of mine is checking up on whether my change of address will be an issue (or if it's fine because I stayed in the same county for the move). Fingers crossed I don't have to wait a goddamn 8 more months just to send the paperwork in. Because I will be PISSED.

4: I've decided to hold off on this sexual self exploration thing temporarily. A friend of mine raised a disturbing possibility. That I might feel uncomfortable with being referred to as a lesbian. I can't think of why I'd be uncomfortable with that label but I found I couldn't really entirely dismiss it as a possibility. I do seem to feel sort of uncomfortable having my sexuality discussed or discussing it with people and I often find myself being careful not to drop references to ex girlfriends and to use more "admiring" words than "I'm interested" words to compliment girls I find really attractive. x_x

It seems like a thoroughly bad idea to go out and have sex with a guy (subjecting myself to the risks any woman faces when looking for basically a hook up and the additional risks a trans woman faces) when it could simply be because I'm not very comfy with a label. So I'll figure that out first.



So that's a collection of fun updates. I'll keep working on that blog post, so please be patient.

I will not pander to those who see me as a role or purpose in their lives. I am a person. If you can not accept my layers then you have no worth to me. If you act as though your comfort, your reputation is automatically more important then my health, you have no worth to me. If you balk at the idea of me changing, as all people do with time, then you have no worth to me. If you refuse to respect me, my pronouns, my name, my identity and my feelings then you have no worth to me.

I am done making excuses for people to treat me like shit. I am done being made into an object or role so that someone else can be more comfortable. I am done with people selfishly putting their image or comfort above my effing health and then asking me how I could be so "selfish" as to transition. The irony is just sickening.

I will not pander to it. I will not allow it. If you do this to me, I will turn my back on you. I will walk away from you. I won't look back.

And you'll only have yourself to blame.

As a mild disclaimer: I can not reasonably state that my dysphoria is exactly the same as anyone else's. So expect results to vary when you ask other trans folk to explain their feelings to you. But this is how it feels to me:

Have you ever seen a broken leg? I don't mean a normal broken leg. I mean the nasty freaky broken leg. No exposed bone or blood, but the knee is bent the wrong way. The leg doesn't go in the direction it's supposed to. It's something that's sort of terrifying to behold because you know it's absolutely horrifyingly wrong deep down in your most instinctual parts of your brain. Now imagine that you look down at your own leg and it's broken like that. You're not feeling the pain but you are feeling the utterly freaked out feeling of "OMFG MY LEG IS NOT SUPPOSED TO BE BENDING THAT WAY." (Yes. The caps lock is required)

Not a pleasant feeling, right?

Okay, let's go further. Let's pretend that this freaky bent broken leg is seen as utterly normal by everyone else. They look at your body and go, 'what's the problem?' There's nothing freaky about them, you're the only one with the freakishness driving you nuts but no one else sees it. Forget the leg and just remember the feeling. The feeling of intimate, screwed up, almost grotesque wrongness. Like the very laws of how your body ought to be are violated, just like if you had that bending the wrong way leg. Imagine that feeling applied to everything about you that is male or female. Imagine seeing the male/female parts you have and getting that "OMFG MY BODY IS NOT SUPPOSED TO BE LIKE THAT." (Caps lock still required.) That deep down instinctual feeling of "what the fuck"-ness that you get when you see a shattered knee bending a leg the wrong way or even worse see that bent leg on yourself. It's not rational. It doesn't make logical sense. It's utter instinctual response.

That's bodily dysphoria.

Now. Imagine living with that every day for the rest of your life.

Suddenly me going a little crazy from it makes a bit more sense, doesn't it? The drastic measures taken to make my body feel like it ought to be makes a bit more sense, now doesn't it? Because there's no other way to make that feeling go away.

Therapy doesn't get rid of it. There's no meds that do. This feeling is omnipresent. Sometimes I can cope with it better than other times. When my emotional resources aren't drained from other stresses, like relationships, work, school, etc. But no life is without stressful times and when that happens and I'm drained, it hits me really full force.

To a certain extent the identity has followed up with it. I mean think about it, if my body being male hurts me in the way I described above and changing it to female helps fix that, I'm naturally going to start thinking of myself as less of a guy and more of a girl. Knowing that you'll eventually have the body of a woman sort of changes the equation for self identity (it doesn't work like this for everyone, some people get the woman or man identity first and the bodily dysphoria after).

But for me, I really feel myself settling into the self identity of a girl. The self descriptive words I use have changed (tomboy, bitch, cute, pretty, lady, woman as opposed to tough, asshole, handsome, rugged, dude, man) and with that comes a change in my abstract psychological view of myself. So that adds a bit more pressure onto me on top of the bodily dysphoria.

I'm lucky in some ways. I'm not too upset about social things. The whole tomboy part is very much me not giving a shit about gender expectations and gender roles. I'm quite content having my own awesome self expression and not seeing it as girly or guyish. But others get hit with that in harsh ways.

I hope this helped get the idea across. It can be really hard to express these feelings to people who have never experienced similar things.

Some people on WiG requested the letter I sent be put up because some of them were wondering if my inclination to speak very scientifically about things had a poor impact on how he took the information. There's a good chunk science speak in the center, but on either end I definitely spoke from the emotional standpoint and tried to reassure him.

Still, any criticism that can be offered on how this letter was structured would be welcome so that I can avoid similar mistakes in the future, with other people or if he resumes contact:

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Dear Dad,

I decided to tell you in a letter because it seems more personally connected than email. Email feels impersonal to me. I would have preferred to discuss this with you in person but the events of Christmas week prevented that. With ________’s stroke or seizure and all of us being sick, I felt that this needed to wait. But I also recognize that the longer I wait, the longer you worry about what it could be that I’m dealing with and whether or not my health is threatened. So I’m doing the next best thing to telling you directly and that’s writing an informal letter.

The general situation is that I have a psychological disorder and a serious one. It fits under the same set of bodily integrity disorders like, as an example (not what I have) BIID (bodily integrity identity disorder) which involves the patient’s mind rejecting the presence of one or more limbs as being foreign and wrong or deformed. Bodily integrity disorders involve a rejection of bodily structure as wrong or foreign, usually accompanied by an instinctual need for a different bodily structure to replace it (although they don’t require that second part) Disorders like this are untreatable by therapy or medication. In that, you can use therapy and medication to treat the issues and possible disorders that arise from the crippling psychological harm of bodily dysphoria (the feeling that a part or all of one’s body is foreign, wrong or deformed to the point of serious distress) but medication and therapy don’t really have an effect on the dysphoria itself. Generally the only way to fully handle the dysphoria is to modify the body accordingly, removing the offending characteristics or replacing them with the characteristics that the brain believes belongs. These disorders are not delusional disorders nor do they involve psychosis, because individuals who have them recognize that the feeling of wrongness and foreign deformity isn’t rational and is an issue. These disorders can cause delusional disorders and psychosis if left untreated as the mind tries to cope with the constant flood of foreign invasion or deformity signals from the dysphoria inducing parts.

Which brings me to my particular disorder. I have been diagnosed with GID (gender identity disorder). It isn’t aptly named (just an artifact from the last Diagnostic Manual before they really understood this disorder) for a bodily integrity disorder but that is what it is. Specifically GID is a disorder wherein the secondary and primary sexual characteristics of the individual and the lack of another sex’s characteristics are the bodily dysphoria inducing characteristics. There are variants where the individual with GID simply rejects the characteristics and wants nothing to replace them (agendered variants would require nullification of the secondarily sexual characteristics). Other variants (mixed or bigendered) require a mixture of traits similar to an intersexed condition. Fortunately my instance is a bit simpler than those. It (male to female GID) is also the most common type of GID for a male-bodied person with the disorder to experience so it actually has established bodily modification treatment and validity in the medical field.

This primary form of GID for male bodied folk involves my mind rejecting the male parts (the volume of body hair, the shape of my hips and waist, my flat chest, my facial hair, facial shape and my genitals) and expecting female parts instead (lower volume of body hair, wider curved hips and curvature along the waist, breast development, no facial hair, more rounded facial shape and a vagina instead of a penis). The dysphoria levels I face are, unfortunately, somewhat severe. I, at first, went the same route that ________ did in dealing with his problems. I drank. A lot. And often. I kept it a secret pretty well but things were getting bad in those regards and the risks of alcoholism were pretty bad back then for me. I had a few wake up calls and actually paid attention to them. So I stopped drinking and started doing research. Having found that GID fit pretty well, I involved myself in support groups and went about getting therapy.

The diagnosis was pretty immediate. It was clear from the psychiatrist that my symptoms fit GID very well. During this time I proceeded to purchase a permanent laser hair removal package for my facial hair and began undergoing those treatments. The removal of that facial hair has been very beneficial so far and has definitely helped but not quite enough to fully handle my dysphoria regarding the other elements of my body.

For a person in my position the normal procedure is to do as many bodily modifications as is necessary to remove the bodily dysphoria. The full set of bodily modification applied to the most severe of cases of Male to Female GID would include laser/electrolysis/IPL hair removal on the face and body, hormone replacement therapy (which resculpts the body fat and muscle and causes breast development), genital reconstructive surgery (which uses the materials of the penis to construct a functional neovagina), breast augmentation, facial feminization surgery and vocal surgery (a tracheal shave is included with that, but I lack an adam’s apple of any real size). I do not believe that all of that would be necessary for me. At this time, I would hazard a guess that the furthest I would need to go is laser hair removal on the face, hormone replacement therapy to restructure my shape and perhaps GRS (genital reconstructive surgery). I don’t believe breast augmentation would be necessary and my face is sufficiently androgynous that HRT (hormone replacement therapy) would likely do everything I needed there. I sincerely doubt I would need vocal surgery, as I know how to modulate and adjust my voice sufficiently (from all the impressions and voice throwing I used to do in high school.)

I’m aware that the social impact of pretty much everything but the hair removal is somewhat extreme. It isn’t terribly practical to walk around with male pronouns and a male name when you have breasts and a female looking face and especially a vagina (if I go that far). If I were to move forward with this treatment (and it is looking more and more necessary every day) it would become necessary for me to adopt female pronouns and a female name out of social practicality and social necessity. Changing my presentation like that, along with the physical changes has a risk of alienating some people and there is a strong level of social dislike scattered throughout our culture for individuals in my position. There are a lot of risks but I am also aware of how to account for them. I have inquired into how my field treats individuals like myself and the response has been mostly positive. I’m in a good college community where individuals in my situation are well treated, both by the school and by the people. I have confirmed this through several friends who are going through the same thing but are further along in treatment than I am. I already am very self aware and conscious of social situations, including dangerous ones and have a healthy level of distrust for people I don’t know and even people I do know. Most of these habits I learned before I was even aware what my situation was, simply because of how I was treated in high school. I learned social distrust and judging a situation, as well as safety in numbers at my community college, as I was often in the bad parts of the three cities when visiting my friends. So I am not unarmed and unable to stave off these risks. I am more than prepared for them.

Unfortunately, despite the social impact and the risks it exposes me to, those risks still aren’t as dire as the risks I am exposed to should I not treat my dysphoria. Were it the other way around, I wouldn’t even consider such a change as I myself am not fond of change and transition in my life. I have been on and off suicidal and prone to urges of self harm for a very large portion of my life, holding myself back only because of my strong moral objection to killing and self injury (one of the reasons I’m glad I grew up with a Christian background where those things are morally unacceptable). There were times when things got bad enough that I seriously considered castrating myself or even killing myself. It’s part of the reason I resorted to alcohol as it deadened the feelings of the dysphoria. Unfortunately, alcohol is, in and of itself, a form of self harm and I barely managed to escape the trap of addiction that comes with it. Were I to strip myself of treatment for this disorder, I would have little else to use to cope with it. Another serious risk I faced and still face while this goes untreated comes from my overuse of the disassociation coping method to deal with my dysphoria.

To give some background, disassociation is a mental coping method wherein a person pulls himself or herself away from reality. The mind literally perceives reality less, either through blurring things conceptually or literally pulling away from it and no longer perceiving all of it. Individuals exposed to traumatic stress often use disassociation. Soldiers, rape and abuse victims, children who are brutally beaten or teased in schools, gang members, victims of torture or people exposed to constant damaging levels of stress. Disassociation is often the cause of desensitization as the mind pulls far and frequently enough away from that segment of reality to not feel the impact any longer. Disassociation comes in two forms, depersonalization and derealization. Derealization is the most common for externally sourced trauma. Disturbing images or horrible experiences that a soldier might see or experience would cause him or her to pull away from external reality, to the point that it feels unreal, dreamlike, strange, and foreign or illusion like. That is derealization. Depersonalization is the most common for internally sourced or direct trauma. Severe and constant pain, direct trauma like rape and abuse tend to cause the person to pull away from their own body, feeling as though their body is someone else’s, or feeling like they’re having an out of body experience, often feeling like they’re watching the traumatic event occur to their body from afar. Both of these forms have the potential to be used too much and cause serious disorders like Disassociative Identity Disorder (commonly thought of as Multiple Personality Disorder) or General Disassociative Disorder (which I believe causes catatonic and fugue states in which the person is essentially “not home” in their mind, even while doing things).

I myself use depersonalization the most, as my dysphoria is constant pain relating to my body itself. My brain uses this coping method to such a degree that I often don’t realize when I’m in physical pain (like from the IBS) or notice what I’m wearing because I’m so pulled away from my body. The very real risk of me developing a disassociative disorder is one my therapist has mentioned numerous times and those are even more difficult to treat than GID.

I know this probably doesn’t help you worry any less and will probably be a lot to take in but I am adamant that I am in good hands and am working on getting the treatments I need. As scary and awful as they may seem, there are solutions and they are obtainable. I am dealing with this slowly, carefully and with the help of trained and experienced professionals. I am avoiding the harmful and dangerous methods of coping from my past and attempting to work within the therapy and treatment to fix this, instead of going down the self destructive route like __________ did for his own (presumably) unrelated issues. I also know that considering the strong possibility that your son could very well become your daughter is pretty harshly difficult all by itself. I get this and I will do everything in my power to try to make any future transition that occurs slow and careful so that you and mom and my brothers aren’t overwhelmed. My family is important to me and I want you guys to be a part of my life, even if I go forward with the full transition. So I want to do my best to help you come to terms with the disorder I have and what will likely be necessary to fix it.

If you have questions I can answer them. No matter how silly, ridiculous, strange, outlandish, foolish or even offensive you think a question is, still please ask it. One of the best ways to come to terms with something is to understand it as best as you can. And that means finding out everything you can of it, especially from the one who’s going through it. You can ask over email, over the phone, or even through letters you send on your own to me. Mom has already been made aware but she’s been afraid of looking into this stuff and researching it for fear of revealing this situation to you before you were ready to hear it. Which is sort of silly because no one is ever ready to hear this and there’s never a good time to tell it. But yes, she’ll need your help to do research online and such to find out more. That’s only if you guys want to do that stuff on your own. I have a good number of resources I can pass along and things I can find to help give more information on my situation and gender identity disorder and now that you know, there’s no risk to sending them to you guys. I have not told _________ or ___________ yet and I would appreciate it if this was kept from them for now. __________ especially. I’m sorry for any stress or worry this has caused you. I’ll do my best to help in this situation but in the end, it will be difficult and there’s nothing I can do to change that.

With Love,
__________________

Sometimes the trans community infuriates me.

It isn't the majority of the time and likely not even a majority of the people. But this vocal mid sized minority manages to regularly fuck up quite a few safe spaces I and many others have tried to stay within for quite some time now.

I myself have been lucky in some ways. My city has a brilliantly supportive trans group and when I have the time to go, I get a lot out of going. I'm involved in http://whatisgender.net which is probably the best web orientated trans community I've ever been on (however it is also heavily nonbinary orientated and I am MtF).

Others have not been so lucky. I know one particularly nice guy who has been trying to get support on a certain unnamed website (I don't know if the crazy bitch who runs it would be willing to sue me frivolously or not, but I can't afford court costs so: unnamed) and getting screwed regularly.

People tear each other apart there. There's all these "trannier than thou" hierarchies that drive me fucking batshit. If you're an MtF who's tomboyish or you're an ftm who's a little bit femmy or even worse, if you're a nonbinary, kiss your ass goodbye in places like this.

Suddenly everything you say is suspect. Suddenly everyone will be telling you just how not trans you are. I had one rancid bitch tell me that I was just a genital mutilator who was probably abused as a child and not really trans. All because of how I regard the abstract concept of social gender. For those who worry, I can assure you, my childhood contains absolutely no abuse.

The hierarchies aren't the only problem. A bit of the straight trans folk and a bit of the gay trans folk get into little spats over whether we ought to be even allied with GLB of the GLBT community. Some of the complaints are valid. The GLB have fucked us over in a lot of unpleasant ironic ways.

Dropping GENDA to pass SONDA anyone? Dropping the ball for us on the national level with the ENDA legislature too? I can bet you five bucks that if Marriage Equality legislature in NY State passes and GENDA doesn't, the next Equality and Justice Day will have a shit ton less people at it in Albany next year. (Bet not made to all of you, just you as an audience, split it evenly if I lose *wink*)

There's a chunk of GLB's who regard trans folk as weird freaks who drag them down or as gays just trying to "cure" ourselves (Neverfuckingmind that some of us end up gay, bi or lesbian after transition). It's a little disgusting. And then you've got straight trans folk who don't want to be associated with sexuality in any way or form and don't want to be associated with nonbinaries either because they regard themselves as totally normal.

Unfortunately for us, going from your birth sex to another sex isn't common and we really ought to operate our activism with that in mind, instead of ignoring it to make ourselves feel better. In the end, the guy that stabs you because he found out you had a penis a long while ago is still going to stab you because he thinks he just fucked a dude, no matter how female you think you are. Might be wise to work on activism orientated around that sort of shit instead of plugging our ears and going "LA LA LA I'M A CHICK IT DOESN'T APPLY TO ME". Yeah. Sure it doesn't apply.

Then we have the (thankfully less common) nonbinaries who love to run around going "gender doesn't exist! We should all be genderless! Don't get surgery! You're only encouraging the binary!"

Yeah, asshole, that's totally going to reduce my dysphoria and make my male body acceptable to my brain. Fucking idiot. I'm all for removing social roles as an enforced characteristic and I'm all for reducing the excessive gender labeling that has such a toxic influence on our society. But I'm still going to change my body from male to female, and those social things being adjusted isn't going to change that need.

We fight over whether GID should be labeled as a disorder or an identity (forgetting that we won't get that medical care if it isn't a disorder) and we fight over what transgender and transsexual means.

Its... discouraging. And irritating. And I don't have a great solution. Mostly because I'm not sure what causes the problem. Why do we fight amongst ourselves so much? Why are the disagreements so polarized? Why are the reactions so violent and belligerent?

It drives me just a little bit nuts.