Re-reading your post, I know you said you didn't want any "postmodernist discussions of language," but... I dunno, I feel really strongly about language, because language is the only thing we have for communicating our thoughts, to the point that it can shape those thoughts for us in ways we don't even realize.

Okay, back to my way-too-long comment.

I don't know how your partner refers to his body, but I know I winced when my eyes passed over "female-bodied". If that's cool with him, then cool, but in more general use (cuz I know there are cis folk who read this), it really isn't. His body is whatever he defines it as; it's female if he says it's female, it's male if he says so, it's genderless if he says so. Whatever it might say on my birth certificate, I don't have a "male" body, I never have. It's my body, and I most certainly am not "male".

Again, I don't know what conversations you've had with your partner, but, speaking personally, if I were ever with someone that said "I'm attracted to her male body" that would be the end of it. You say you're not attracted to guys in that way, but what you're (potentially) ignoring is that you already are attracted to at least one guy (I'm assuming "guy" is okay, since you used "he" above; my apologize if that's wrong). If he's a guy (again, I don't know the intimacies of his identity), then you're already attracted to someone with a guy's body.

Also something to keep in mind: looking at porn probably isn't going to help. The vast majority of porn is designed to titillate men, it's shot by men or drawn by men to appeal to the things that they find appealing.

I do have more to say (sorry for taking up so much space here!) but I have to run to work. Eep!